Wednesday, May 12, 2010

things fall apart

and land where they're supposed to.

i'm starting to realize that being non-confrontational doesn't have to involve letting people walk on/take advantage of you.

communication is big. communication is essential.

i've spent too long without it.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

how to burn the candle at both ends

let me preface this entry by saying that i am impossibly sick because of the things i am about to recommend. there. i said it.

do you want to fix one aspect of your life while completely demolishing the others? do you want to go from happy and broke to flush and miserable? do you want to know what that little frayed part of the cuff of your jeans that keeps dragging on the ground feels like right before you cut it off with your mom's sewing scissors? then read on, dear followers!

this is adulthood, right?

1.) make your classes harder than they need to be:
in order to do this, you have to NEGLECT TO BUY THE TEXTBOOKS. i repeat: no matter how many times your teacher insists that the textbooks are absolutely imperative to your success in the class, DO NOT BUY THEM. just say you don't have the money (in my case, i didn't). or say you have it, but refuse to bring it to class. say your dog ate it; this would be cliche if i hadn't witnessed it a couple years back.
did you buy your textbooks? no? GOOD! now it's time to procrastinate. did you take notes last lecture? of course you did! they're your only reference point, after all (i said harder... not impossible.) So take these notes, and keep them in your backpack ALL WEEK. then, an hour before class, while you're slurping down pho with your buddies, ask them if there's going to be a quiz tonight (because, honestly, you never read the syllabus.) WHEN they say yes, look a little panicked, then throw your hands up in "c'est la vie"-flavored resignation.
arrive to class early enough to skim your notes. then wing the test. did you get a seventy? YOU LUCKY FUCK!

2.) Get a second job. Bills don't pay themselves!
If you're tapped-out 46 seconds after getting your paycheck, it may be time for a second job. Everyone needs a little "walking-around money," right? At least enough to make sure you don't have to bike/foot/bus commute half the work week out of NECESSITY. Grab a night job! Do what i do: deliver pizza! it's the easiest job you can possibly imagine! Sit around, watch sports, make new friends, eat discounted "italian" food, get up once in a while to drive to some schmuck's house and drop off their order, only to be tipped for doing so. Sound good? IT FUCKING IS!
WARNING: This second job will make you unavailable to friends, family and loved ones. You work mornings. You study. Your schedule was sporadic to begin with, and NOW you work nights as well. People will resent you... But damn... you bank statement looks great. Have fun with this.

3.) write music, start a band:
DISCLAIMER: i am NOT complaining about this. i fucking LOVE being in a band again.
Do you have a little free time in the afternoons? of course! that's when you're supposed to rest and study. what's that? you don't wanna? okay, then get out your guitar there, springsteen, it's time to start a band! if you love music and play an instrument, YOU CAN, TOO! All you need to do is -
a.) listen to your favorite band. a LOT. listen to the things no one else seems to hear. the phrasing. the vocal inflection. the fact that they only played half the chorus after the first verse. the key change at the bridge. the augmented fourth. the diminished seventh. the FEEDBACK, for christ's sake.
b.) try to write things that sound nothing like your favorite band.
c.) write them anyway.
d.) find friends who don't care who you rip off.
e.) write REALLY bitter lyrics the first time out, after claiming you've got no knack for it.

tired yet? i sure am. time for some homework! char that wick readers... char on. i mean flame on... i mean... fantastic four was lame.